It’s Wednesday morning. Smoke billows from the charred remains of the United States Capitol. President Steven Chu reassures the nation that those who attacked us will be brought to justice … and that he’s going to paint America’s roofs white.
Don’t laugh, it could happen! Chu, a Nobel Prize winning physicist but often-mocked as Energy Secretary, is the “designated survivor” at tonight’s State of the Union address. As such, he will not attend the speech, and will become president in the event that the entire line of succession is horrifically wiped out. While we are sure that Chu is a nice man, he’s probably best known for odd ideas like painting roofs white to reflect sunlight and halt climate change. Some say that as a brilliant scientist, he is probably best suited to academia rather than politics.
— Joe Pounder (@PounderFile) February 13, 2013
Energy Secretary Steven Chu, 12th in line to the presidency between Secs of Transportation & Education is designee to stay behind for #SOTU
— Chad Pergram (@ChadPergram) February 13, 2013
@chadpergram Why not Honey Boo Boo? Probably better choice…
— Jack (@DSM2) February 13, 2013
OMG Steven Chu is the cabinet secretary who won’t attend tonight.Heads of birthers everywhere simultaneously explode.
— Erick Erickson (@EWErickson) February 13, 2013
Steven Chu is the lone cabinet member not at SOTU. As is tradition, he will be at Area 51 with the Prometheus ship.
— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) February 13, 2013
Aliens: please at least wait until tomorrow to attack Earth. Just one more day.