Featuring Spreewaldhof gherkins, Milch Schnitte, and Hanuta.
Hi! I (Tabatha) and my workmate Matt are visiting Germany from the UK. We went to a supermarket with our German colleagues and bought…everything.
Matt: “I think I’d be addicted to these if I lived here.”
Tabatha: “This is like two thin layers of sponge cake with marshmallow in between them. Really tasty.”
Matt: “How is it so buttery? What’s in them?”
“That’s the mystery,” our German colleagues reply. “No one knows because no one asks. It’s best not to know.”
2. Wiener Wuerstchen
Tabatha: “I’m vegetarian, so I can’t try these. But the concept of long sausages in a jar scares me.”
Matt starts to cut his sausage up with a knife, and the Germans laugh. Apparently he’s the first person they’ve seen do this.
Matt: “I could eat these as a snack. British sausages tend to have a lot of fat in them, but this doesn’t have any. It’s amazing! It doesn’t look it, but it tastes like a really good quality sausage.”
3. Spreewaldhof Spreelinge
Tabatha: “These gherkins are so vinegary they hurt every part of my mouth. They kind of have the same texture as water chestnuts in a Chinese takeaway, but taste of pure vinegar.”
Matt: “You’re exaggerating – these aren’t too bad.”
At this point, our German colleagues tell us that you can make soup with the gherkin liquid, and I gag.
Tabatha: “I’m sorry, that’s not normal.”
Tabatha: “This is basically two thin wafers with crunchy Nutella between them. I can’t even explain how much I like them.”
Matt: “Yes, these are delicious. They’re like Ferrero Rocher.”
Tabatha: “And they’re so glamorous! The packaging is golden! So regal!”
5. Original Schweinekrusten
Tabatha: “Again, I can’t eat these. But that packet genuinely smells like death.”
We pass the bag around our German colleagues to smell, and every one of them recoils with disgust.
Matt: “If you can get past the smell, these taste like crisps. They’re easier to eat than British pork scratchings. They’re lighter and crispier. They do taste better than they smell, but my god they smell awful.”
6. Rothaus Pils: TannenzÃ¤pfle
Matt: “This is good beer. It’s not tangy. It’s not gassy. It goes down really easily.”
Tabatha: “I’m not a big beer drinker, but this is perfectly drinkable. I mean, after smelling those pork things, anything’s going to impress us though, isn’t it?”
7. Leibniz Party Fun
Tabatha: “These are ugly. They don’t look like the picture on the packet at all.”
Matt: “And they just taste like sugar and sunflower oil.”
8. Spreewaldhof Get One!
Tabatha: “OK I didn’t think it was possible, but this is worse than the first type of gherkin. It’s stronger, it’s more watery, and the skin is so hard.”
Matt: “I don’t know how my body would react if I ate the whole thing.”
Tabatha: And why is it swimming around in a tin of onion, mustard seeds, and dill?”
Matt: “On the plus side, this must count as one of your five a day.”
Tabatha: “My God, these are delicious. They’re basically iced buns crossed with a doughnut. Christ, I could eat these all day.”
Matt: “They’re a bit eggy.”
Tabatha: “Give me yours, then. I’ll eat it. I’m obsessed.”
It’s important to note that this is the second time the Germans tease Matt for using a knife and fork. I don’t have time to make the same mistake, as I’ve already rammed one into my mouth by the time they look my way.
10. Gourmet pumpernickel bread
Matt: “This looks like sushi. Or hamster food. That’s it: It looks like trendy hamster food.”
Tabatha: “I’m Finnish so this is right up my street. It’s crumby, delicious, and not too sweet. Perfect!”
11. Leibniz Butterkeks
Matt: “These are no different to rich tea biscuits.”
Tabatha: “They’re named after a philosopher, though. Soz, dad joke.”
The Germans tell us that you can tell they’re proper Leibniz biscuits if they have 52 dents around the outside. I love that.
Matt: “If I ate a whole one of these, I’d be very full. I mean, that would be a meal.”
As we tuck in, our German colleagues tell us that these pretzels are glazed in pig oil.
Tabatha: “Well, that’s not ideal for me, as a vegetarian. These are definitely saltier and denser than American pretzels. They’re fine. Is the pig oil really necessary though?”
13. Erdnuss Flippies
Tabatha: “OK, these are legit the nicest thing I’ve ever tasted. They’re like Wotsits but peanuty.”
Matt: “Yeah, these actually taste like peanut butter.”
Tabatha: “How can crisps be creamy? This is incredible. I’d eat these every day for the rest of my life if I could.”
Tabatha: “I mean, as a snack, this is boring. It’s literally just a bag of fruit and nuts. It’s weird that they’re called ‘student food’ though. I did not eat fruit and nuts when I was a student.”
Matt: “I guess Germans are healthier than Brits.”
Tabatha: “This is root beer, but you can taste the iron in it.”
Matt: “This evidently has a lot of vitamin B in it. But I somehow doubt that it’s healthy. The packaging is very ’70s as well.”
16. Nic Nacs
Tabatha: “So these are basically coated nuts. They’re a pretty standard bar snack. They taste kinda smoky though, which I like.”
Matt: “And they’re a bit cheesy. These are good! Next!”
17. Pick Up!
Matt: “This is two dark chocolate biscuits with a layer of white chocolate inside. They’re really good.”
Tabatha: “Yes, very yummy.”
18. Fussballer brÃ¶tchen
Tabatha: “This is just bread shaped as a football. Nothing special.”
Matt: “It’s very yeasty.”
Tabatha: “I mean, that is the nature of bread, Matt.”
19. Saltletts Snack Mix
Matt: “So this is just a box of pretzels, salt sticks, and cheese savories.”
Tabatha: “Idk why we don’t eat cheese savouries in the UK more often. They remind me of long-haul flights. That’s the only time you get them really.”
Matt: “These are cool shapes, though.”
Tabatha: “I mean, yes. But it’s a bit rogue to theme your party snacks around sea life.”
20. Marzipan Feine Currywurst mit Pommes
Tabatha: “I LOVE MARZIPAN. OK, this looks amazing.”
Matt: “It tastes like Battenberg icing, or the top of a Christmas cake.”
Tabatha: “I’m buying these for everyone I know.”
21. Berliner Kindl Weisse
Tabatha: “THIS IS ACTUAL BEER BUT GREEN OMGGGGGGG.”
Matt: “It’s very sweet.”
Tabatha: “OH MY GOD I LOVE IT SO MUCH. THIS IS SUCH A SPOOKY DRINK. I WANT TO DRINK THIS EVERY DAY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.”
The Germans tell us this is very touristy and that no true German would ever drink this.
Tabatha: I DON’T CARE, I AM A TOURIST AND I WILL DRINK GREEN BEER IF I WANT TO.
22. Dresdner Russisch Brot
Tabatha: “These taste like the tops of Party Rings, but they’re waaaaaay less pretty.”
Matt: “They’re like very thin meringues that disintegrate in your mouth. They kind of taste like caramel and ginger.”
Tabatha: “Tbf, I could probably eat an entire bag of these very easily.”
Tabatha: “I love this stuff. It’s a fizzy drink that has no taste. It just tastes of general fizz. It’s great.”
Matt: “It’s kind of like Irn-Bru.”
At this point, the Germans casually tell us that if you order a Club-Mate and vodka in a bar, you’re handed a Club-Mate and asked to take a gulp. Then your bottle is topped up with vodka. We look visibly intimidated.
24. Super Dickmann’s
Tabatha: “Dick, lol.”
Apparently I’m not the first person to find this amusing.
Matt: “They taste like Tunnock’s Teacakes. They’re a kind of marshmallowy stuff with a very thin chocolate coating and a wafer underneath them.”
Tabatha: “They’re full of white creamy stuff and they’re called dick, lol.”